And this year was worse. Not only was it my oldest son’s first day of middle school, but I wasn’t going to be there. I had back surgery a couple of weeks ago (I’m going to be fine), and I am not yet supposed to do things as exciting as leaving the house for major emotional events. This was the first year I was going to miss. It sucked. For me. My son was totally cool about it and absolutely blase about my inner turmoil.

All day I waited. And I worried. And scenes of bullies in John Hughes movies kept scrolling through my head, and I just knew there was some barely pubescent little hellion who would be totally deserving of my wrath before the day was out. It didn’t matter how carefully we had picked his school as somewhere that would embrace and celebrate who my kid is, the awful scenes of bathroom swirlies and kids being bashed against lockers kept rolling. And by 3pm, I was mess.

Instead, that afternoon my kid burst into the house, all smiles and said, “I made a transgender friend today! She has other gay friends!” He was bouncing. My oldest son is gay, and the idea of having other gay kids in his classroom for the first time (there were no other out gay kids in his elementary school) was what made him really look forward to middle school.

My son went on to tell me that his new friend’s parents want her to be a boy and not a girl. “So I told her my parent’s will like her a lot.”

I leaned over and kissed his forehead and both of his cheeks. “I am sure we will, baby.”

“Mom!” he swatted my hands away. “Just stop.”

(I am going to stop here and take a moment. I don’t have a trans kid. My gay kid is about as gender conforming as you can get. I have no experience having a transgender or gender nonconforming child. But if you are a parent with transgender or genderqueer kid, it’s time to get with the program. Your kid needs you to love who they are, and not who you think they should be.)

I really wish I had been a fly on the wall at the school that day, but instead I just tried to get the story out of my son of how this conversation had transpired. I just couldn’t imagine some 11-year-old transgender girl announcing her gender identity to my kid out of the blue.

So from the details I can piece together from my 11-year-old (who thinks his mother is ridiculous) here’s what happened:

My son was lost and couldn’t find his next class, so he found someone who looked like they were lost too.

He walked up to this other student and said, “Hey guy, what’s up?”

The other student said, “I’m not a guy. I’m a girl.”

“Oh,” said my kid. “Hey girl, what’s up? Are you transgender?” The girl looked at him for a minute and then nodded. “That’s cool,” he continued. “I’m not transgender, but I’m gay.”

“That’s cool,” she said back. “I have some gay friends who go here too.” My son was very excited to hear this. It turns out they were both lost and looking for the same classroom.

Then they walked past the bathrooms, and the girl explained she needed to go, but wanted to go into the girls’ room because that was her real bathroom. My son said he would stand outside the door while she was inside and wait until she was done, and then they could find their class together.

After that was completed, they continued through the halls and she asked him how his parents felt about him being gay. He just shrugged. “It’s fine. We know a lot of gay people. A lot.” She told him about her parents, and things went from there.

They found their classroom, and afterwards promised they would find each other the next day.

And now I feel like my kid really is in some 80s movie, but the 2016 version. Because come on!? For real? I am 40 years old, and the idea of two lgbt kids just happening to randomly find each other both looking for the same class just seems too perfect a set up, too unreal. If I watched a movie or a TV show where a conversation like that happened, I would probably roll my eyes at the too-perfectness, the fakeness, of it all.

But it did happen, and it made my kid’s first day of middle school awesome.

So, maybe it is time to put emo-mom away for awhile, and just let his life happen. Because we are in a new age, a new world, a new reality. Will there be assholes and homophobes? Yes, always. But there will also be two LGBTQ kids who find each other randomly walking down the hall. And that is pretty fantastic.

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The Rowan-Salisbury Board of Education removed prohibitive language in its policy on defensive weapons this week but will continue to debate which items will be allowed on campus, reported the Salisbury Post.

One school board member said pepper spray and other chemical irritants should be allowed in case a court strikes down the state’s controversial HB2, better known as the anti-LGBT “bathroom bill.”

“Depending on how the courts rule on the bathroom issues, it may be a pretty valuable tool to have on the female students if they go to the bathroom, not knowing who may come in,” said board member Chuck Hughes.

An editorial in the Salisbury Post said the policy — and Hughes’ reasoning — were misguided.

“Actually, LGBT people — often targeted by bullies — might have more reason to carry pepper spray than most students,” the editorial board wrote.

Board members agreed to allow chemical irritant and other defensive items onto school property, rather than requiring them to remain locked in student vehicles, so students would not violate the ban if they forgot to remove the items from their purses or pockets.

“I don’t want to put the students in this weird situation when they didn’t really do anything, they just happened to forget to check their purse every single day,” said board member Travis Allen.

A local gun shop owner said he was concerned about the policy, saying he does not sell pepper spray and similar weapons to customers younger than 18 years old.

“It’s going to be risky,” said gun shop owner Larry Hyatt.

Allen dismissed concerns about allowing items designed specifically as defensive weapons, saying he could harm someone with a spray bottle of Windex or ammonia — or even by using a laptop computer as a weapon.

Board members agreed to allow students to carry disposable razors, as well — although they maintained a ban on straight-edge razors.

After some disagreement on razors, board members agreed to specify that personal razors should be used for shaving only while at school.

Source – RawStory.com

Proponents of HB2, which asserts that people must choose which public restroom to use based on their gender assigned at birth, paint a vicious campaign of transgender individuals as scheming, voyeuristic pedophiles that endanger the safety and well-being of women and children.

Alabama is already working to follow North Carolina’s example and just last week, conservative Christian activist group American Family Association received upwards of 744,800 signatures pledging to boycott Target stores over its decision to protect transgender rights in their bathrooms.

With tension rising and information being hurled into the conversation from all angles, there is one critical element being overlooked: the safety and well-being of transgender children.

What Are Transgender Children?

To understand gender nonconformity, it is important to understand the difference between sex and gender.

“The difference between sex and gender is this: Sex is a biological fact, gender is a social construction,” says Kevin Jennings, educational specialist and Executive Director of social justice and conservation foundation Arcus. Transgender identification is the realization by an individual-even as young as two years old — that their gender, or the identity they want to present themselves as, does not match their anatomy.

“Transgender is kind of an umbrella term that really describes a person who has an internal gender identity that is different than the one they were assigned at birth,” explains Johanna Olson, MD., a pediatrician in the Division of Adolescent Medicine at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles.

Another category under this umbrella term is gender nonconforming, which Olson says can be used to describe children who are “not necessarily transgender” but who are “behaving or expressing their gender in a way that would be unexpected based on their genital anatomy.” In other words, this could be a boy-bodied person who prefers toys and activities often associated with girl-bodied children, such as dolls and playing with makeup, but who may not identify as a girl. Instead, the child may just have interests that don’t align with the current cultural expectations.

Transphobia

Since the media coverage of HB2, few outlets have reported on how this push for discrimination might affect children or teens who identify as transgender.

Developmental and clinical psychologist Diane Ehrensaft, PhD., notes that transgender youth often struggle during the onset of puberty, where unwelcome physical changes can provoke feelings of entrapment in a gender that just doesn’t feel right. Now imagine feeling bullied by the government, on top of mother nature.

Ehrensaft, the Director of Mental Health of the Child and Adolescent Gender Center in San Francisco, cites transphobia as one of the biggest issues facing adolescents that don’t identify with their assigned gender.

“It is not an easy world for transgender youth once they hit middle school and high school. The level of bullying and harassment goes up remarkably,” says Ehrensaft. “In its most unfortunate circumstances we read about children taking their own lives or [becoming victims of violent crimes] purely because of their gender presentation.”

Here are some alarming statistics from the Youth Suicide Prevention Program & National Center of Transgender Equality:

• 82% of transgender youth report that they feel unsafe at school
• 67% are cyberbullied
• 64% have their property stolen or destroyed

• Over 50% transgender children will attempt suicide at least once by age 20.
• Over 30% of LGBTQ children report at least one suicide attempt within the last year

• 44% report physical abuse (ex. Being punched, shoved, etc.)
• 19% experience violence or abuse from a family member

A New Perspective

Adults and children that do not consider themselves transgender are still a major part of the equation. Talking to your child about the facts on transgender and LGBT identities promotes cultural awareness while limiting the likeliness of bullying. Explain that gender identity is something a person is born with, that sometimes does not line up perfectly with a person’s physical appearance.

“It’s an immutable characteristic in part of your core being and your gender identity is not a choice,” Olson explains. Just as you and your child wake up each day and feel a desire to identify and perform a certain gender, you could’ve just as easily and just as genuinely been born feeling like a different gender.

It comes down to acceptance, education and understanding. To know the origin of gender formation is to understand the lack of input the person had in terms of how they identify their gender. Making fun of a child for coming out as transgender, or any of the identities under the LGBT umbrella, is as nonsensical as ridiculing a child for their height or hair color.

“When [transgender children] are allowed to transition and given support to affirm their gender…they match the mental health of the average teen who is also allowed just to be themselves,” says Ehrensaft.

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One such person is Anna Foster, a transgender student at White Knoll High School in Lexington, South Carolina. Just two days before prom and five weeks before graduation, Anna has been suspended and is facing possible expulsion for using the “wrong” bathroom.

According to the petition currently up at Change.org

Anna was told that she cannot use the boy’s restroom because it would make the boy’s uncomfortable. But using the girl’s restroom would also make the girls uncomfortable, so they told her she could use the one nurse’s restroom. That restroom is located in the East building. Anna’s class when she used the girl’s restroom was in the North building. There are no concessions for Anna should she need to use the restroom between classes. Meaning, they will discipline her for being tardy if she has to make the trip to the East building to relieve herself, then head to class in the North building.

Anna, who turns 18 on June 29th, has faced a very rough situation leading up to this; one that only complicates the current events. Currently, she lives with the Volk family- Mike Volk explains:

One of the factors that makes this issue so challenging is that the student, who is 17 and turns 18 on June 29th, is that she was recently kicked out of her foster home and moved in with us just two weeks ago. She is not supposed to have contact with her birth mother, and because of her age, her DSS case worker is not willing to assist. We want to do all we can to help but we are limited since we are not legal guardians.

What makes this all the more pressing is that Anna has already been accepted into college for the fall semester and these events could have sever repercussions for her academically and professionally. Mike Volk is hoping to find some a solution.

She has been accepted into college starting in the fall. This action by the school is going to have a major impact on her professional and academic career. Again we are hoping that your attention to this matter will cause the district to reconsider the expulsion and allow Anna to finish the last 5 weeks of school with her classmates.

The family has reached out to local news outlets ABC Columbia, WIS TV, WACH FOX, WLTX News19 and The State Newspaper, but have not yet heard back. So we would ask that you please share this important story to boost the signal.

There is a petition currently at Change.org to urge the school district to reverse the suspension and keep Anna from facing expulsion. You can read and sign the petition here.

The 2015-2016 edition, the Philosophy of Admissions’ section of the handbook states, “Mount Saint Charles Academy is unable to make accommodations for transgender students. Therefore, MSC does not accept transgender students nor is MSC able to continue to enroll students who identify as transgender.”

Alumni of the school took to social media criticizing the policy of the school. According to the school’s website, the policy was updated in October of 2015. And, it is unclear if any students were asked to leave the school.

Mount Saint Charles teaches “in the tradition of the Brothers of the Sacred Heart” and is listed as a member school of the Providence Diocese. Leaders at Mount Saint Charles did not respond to questions. Neither President of the School Herve Richer or Principal Edwin Burke responded to questions.

According to the schools mission statement, “Each and every student is known, valued, treasured and taught in partnership with the family.”

“As a constitutional matter, the fact that the school receives some state aid is not sufficient to subject them to constitutional constraints, which generally apply only to government actions. There are, of course, separate statutes that ban discrimination in both public and private institutions, but many of those statutes have exemptions for religious institutions,” Steven Brown, Executive Director of the Rhode Island ACLU, told GoLocalProv.

In March of 2015, Pope Francis meet with a number of transgender men during a visit to a prison in Naples. “When Pope Francis pays a visit to Naples this Saturday he will have lunch with some 90 inmates at a local prison, a contingent that will reportedly include 10 from a section reserved for gay and transgendered prisoners, and those infected with the virus that causes AIDS,” reported the Religion New Service.

In 2013, when Pope Francis was asked about gay clergy being allowed in the Catholic Church, he responded, “Who am I to judge.” That statement was widely praised by gay, lesbian and transgender advocates around the world

In September of 2015, it was reported the Vatican upheld a Bishop refusal to allow transgender to be a godparent.

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