June 6, 2016

Dear Miss Dash,

When I was young, I remember watching the movie CLUELESS and seeing you on the big screen for the first time. I was mesmerized by your beauty and I thought, I wish I could be like that girl some day! I watched that movie over and over, and I always thought you were one of the most beautiful girls I had ever seen. More recently, I watched your ET Exclusive Interview and my childhood view of Stacey Dash changed…and not for the better.

In your interview, you pointed out that people think you are still Dionne, the fashionable and eloquent young black diva you portrayed in CLUELESS. In a better world you would be her, but unfortunately for us, you are not. Thanks to Wikipedia and to your ET Exclusive Interview, we know you were born in the Bronx and that you are black and Mexican—things you should be proud of—and far from being the Beverly Hills fashion queen we gawked at on the big screen. Yet, it appears to me that you have lost your sense of pride and identity in being a double minority. Please let me remind you.

As a half black and half white Dominican trans woman, I am offended and appalled by your ignorant remarks and your attacks on transgender people (the minority you speak of in your ET Exclusive Interview) and the many supporters of the equal rights and anti-bullying movements, such as Lady Gaga and Caitlyn Jenner. As a black and Mexican woman, you should know what it is like to be a minority in this country, or did you forget that approximately 160 years ago blacks were still slaves in this nation? The Black community and anyone of color should be grateful that there were men and women fighting for our freedom and our equality. They fought for people like you and me, Stacey Dash.

You mentioned “tyranny by the minority” when you referred to Caitlyn Jenner identifying as a woman and wanting to use the women’s restroom. But what you were really saying is that you don’t want transgender women in the same bathroom as you and your children. Well, (huff…here we go again!) 160 years back, when slavery was close to being abolished, the white masters might have said the same words you quoted in your ET Exclusive Interview:

“Why do I have to suffer, because you can’t decide what you want to be that day?”

Let me break it down for you, my dear Stacey…Transgender people DO NOT choose to be transgender in a day. We suffer through lifetimes living as the sex we never identified as (our born sex). The “choice” comes if and when we choose to be happy…or not. But I still don’t think you get it. I’ll try again. We choose to go through a physical transition in order to unify our bodies with our minds and be who we feel we are on the inside. The choice I made as a male-to-female transgender person was to become the woman I’ve always felt I was, but I never chose to feel this way. That’s as simple as I can put it. It’s now your CHOICE to understand it or not.

Let’s talk about your politics. You play the victim when you say that Hollywood dropped you because of your political views. As the “Hollywood outcast” you claim to be, you should then understand how it feels to be on the sidelines. But it appears to me that you are delivering to the transgender community the same deadly dose of hatred that Hollywood has given you. Allow me to quote you after Nischelle Turner from ET explained to you that being transgender is not a choice, but rather who we are. You stated:

“OK, then go in the bushes. I don’t know what to tell you, but I’m not gonna put my child’s life at risk because you want to change a law so that you can be comfortable with your beliefs—which means I have to change my beliefs and my rights? No!”

Your ignorance on the issue makes me feel pity for you…and anger. You sound like every other bigot and hatemonger out there that is looking to point a finger at the current scapegoat. Newsflash, Stacey! We are not interested in your child! We want equality in the eyes of the law, and we demand protection under the same law. If you’re concerned about child molesters coming into the women’s restroom, why haven’t you made a big stink about it years ago? Why now?

I’ll tell you why…

I believe that you are GUILTY of the same charges you accuse Lady Gaga of when you called her Anti-Bullying Campaign a farce. You are dramatizing the current events as a way to draw attention to your new, controversial book. Hurray! You learned to use one of Hollywood’s most despicable ploys to your advantage. Wait, didn’t you say that Hollywood had a liberal agenda? Clearly, you have an agenda of your own? So who is the real hypocrite now?

Oh, I almost forgot…

”What’s next for Stacey Dash?” asked Nischelle Turner.

“Umm…the White House,” Stacey responded.

“Come on, Stacey! The only house you’ll be visiting is White House|Black Market—the same place you bought that nasty little top you wore on your ET Exclusive Interview.”

Sincerely,

Daliah Husu
Author of “I Am Woman: Surviving the Past, the Present, & the Future”

daliahhusu.com
contact@daliahhusu.com

Today, I feel comfortable and confident saying I am a trans woman, but that wasn’t a conclusion I could reach on my own. It’s intimidating to walk into a clubhouse unless someone invites you in first.

I’ve been thinking about this all day because a story came out recently that a trans woman accused another trans woman of not being “trans enough” to be transgender. I’m not going to bother linking to the story because what I want to say now is about the sentiment behind what she said. It’s something that affected me for years and certainly continues to affect people today.

If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Am I transgender?” then this next part is especially for you.

If you find yourself wondering that you might be transgender, but you worry that you don’t hit the criteria, then I’m telling you now that you do.

When a person accuses someone of not being “trans enough” it is elitist, self-entitled, cruel-minded horse crap.

Ignore anyone that tells you there’s a checklist. There is no criteria. There is no benchmark of “you must be this trans” to transition. You are in control, you get to decide how you identify.

I used to believe the myth that to be transgender you must be absolutely miserable, suicidal even. Garbage documentaries love to force-feed the same tired narrative that trans women spend their days flipping through catalogues and crying over dresses, as if femininity is measured by how much you want to look like a 1980s Barbie doll. Meanwhile, trans men are similarly held to ridiculous standards, and non-binary people are erased altogether.

Together, the media perpetuates a damaging fallacy that keeps a lot of us sat in denial and ignorance for years.

What finally started to help me accept the truth about myself was reading the words of trans people who intentionally spoke out against the stereotypes.

I slowly realized things which now seem painfully obvious, but when you’re scared, lonely and disconnected from other trans folk, it’s a lot harder to learn these things.

So, in the interest of helping anyone questioning their gender or asking, “Am I transgender?” here are some things I wish I knew back when I was in your position:

You can transition without needing to

Transition doesn’t have to be a desperate last resort. You can transition simply because you want to. Transition isn’t a sacred act only for the worthy, it’s for anyone that wants it. I’ll let you in on a secret; only trans people want to transition. Only trans people size up how difficult transition is going to be and still think it looks enticing. If you want to transition then congratulations, you’re trans.

You can try different labels for your gender. You don’t have to denounce your gender and take up another one immediately; no one will brand it into your skin. You can experiment. It’s okay to try on one identity and then later change your mind. I am a trans woman, but before this, I identified as genderqueer, which leads me to…

Non-binary gender identities exist. Being non-binary doesn’t make you any more or less trans. Gender is a huge confusing concept and it’s okay to find somewhere in that big confusing blob that feels right for you, without it being defined as wholly male or female.

There is no transition pathway

We’re told transition is a straight line, going through HRT and ending in genital surgery. This is a lie. Transition can involve anything that feels right to you. Don’t want surgery? Cool, this doesn’t make you any more or less trans. What transition entails and where it ends is up to you.

You know more about your gender than anyone else

This includes family, doctors, friends, strangers and especially other trans people. You are the ultimate authority on your gender identity and you can identify as whatever you feel is right.

Clothes only embody as much meaning as you want them to

Gender is in your head, not in the fabric you’re wearing. There is no mystical way to cut cloth which imbues a garment with special gender powers. A piece of clothing can’t change the gender of someone wearing it. Personally, I feel better when dressed in feminine clothes, but I’m no more or less a woman when I wear a dress than when I wear jeans. Dress in a manner that is comfortable for you. A cis woman doesn’t stop being a woman if she puts on a man’s shirt; the same is true for trans women. A trans man can wear a dress and he is no less of a man for doing so.

It’s not selfish to come out as transgender

This is only loosely related, but I think it’s important to state. Many people early in their transition, and some later too, worry that they’re being selfish by exploring their gender identity. They’re not. Your gender identity is you. If it’s taken you a long time to discover it then that’s not your fault. Society puts enormous pressure on people to not identify as transgender, it takes a lot of courage to finally explore your gender identity. That’s to be celebrated and commended.

It’s okay to disagree with other trans people

As long as what you’re saying isn’t harming anyone else, it’s okay to disagree with concepts and terms related to being trans. I know people, friends even, who will disagree with things I’ve said here, but that’s the point. Your gender identity is a very intimately personal part of you, if you disagree with someone’s perception of what being transgender means to you then that’s fine. Essentially, go your own way, just don’t be a jerk about it.

Finally, remember to be yourself, that’s the whole point

I hope the above statements are helpful to someone out there. Because they are things I desperately needed to hear in earlier years. I think it also helps for me to remind myself of these things too. I’m still early into my transition and I certainly have plenty more to learn, but I think it’s important for me to remember that I’m transitioning for myself. If I tried to please everyone and tick every box, I’d never have gotten anywhere.

If you need someone to talk to about being transgender, then you’re welcome to hit me up on Twitter where I’m @OhMiaGod.

Source: Yes, You’re ‘Trans Enough’ to Be Transgender