children – TransOutLoud https://transoutloud.org Empowering the Trans Community Tue, 21 Jun 2016 14:14:41 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.6.2 https://transoutloud.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/favicon.png children – TransOutLoud https://transoutloud.org 32 32 Pearland mother finds online support in raising transgender child – KTRK-TV https://transoutloud.org/pearland-mother-finds-online-support-in-raising-transgender-child-ktrk-tv/ https://transoutloud.org/pearland-mother-finds-online-support-in-raising-transgender-child-ktrk-tv/#respond Tue, 21 Jun 2016 14:14:41 +0000 http://transoutloud.com/?p=7847 PEARLAND, TX (KTRK) —

Kimberly Shappley is as conservative and Christian as they come.

It was her child who, at just three years of age, would challenge her faith and rock her to the core.
For Shappley and her family, it all began with a hair bow.

“I want a bow like Daisy,” her then-three-year-old son Joseph Paul begged of her. Shappley knew the big red bow, ponytails and princess dresses were things almost every little girl wished for. However, these weren’t for a daughter — Shappley reminded herself these were the requests of her son.

“Please mommy,” Joseph Paul would plead with her.

His desire to dress in little girl’s clothes is a secret Shappley has kept from the outside world since Joseph was just a toddler. As an infant, she put him in blue clothes. As a toddler, she made him do what shes says is ‘typical boy stuff,’ like fishing, playing football with his siblings and throwing little boy’s birthday parties.

“We tried to make this kid be a boy,” said Shappley. Still, Joseph kept seeking out what the girls had and, by the age of three, he was telling everyone he was a girl.

A devout Christian, Shappley prayed while Joseph made shirts into skirts and begged to wear girls underwear — and asked his family to call him by the name of “Kai.”

“This hasn’t happened overnight for us. I am a Christian and I love the Lord,” Shappley said as she struggled with her son’s requests.

The gravity of her son’s pleas became almost too much to bear when she heard Kai praying to die.

“I overheard Kai praying and asking the Lord to please take Joseph home to be with Jesus and I realized Kai’s begging the Lord to let her die,” Shappley said through tears.

As a first step down the path to understanding Kai’s situation, Shappley bought girls underwear for Kai, though it took her three trips to the store to finally purchase them.

“When Kai came home that day and opened the drawer and saw princess panties, she fell down on the floor with the panties, crying and thanking me that this was the best day ever,” Shappley said.

Shappley sought out more help, turning to pastors and her faith. Her hope was that her young boy would act like one.

“So Christians are not gay, OK, that’s the mindset that I had.”

Shappley said faith leaders reassured her God doesn’t make mistakes.

“Christians are not going to have a transgender child, because as a Christian, that goes against everything that we read in scripture,” she said.

Finding Support for Parents of a Transgender Child

Feeling alone and isolated, Shappley dug into social media for help, finding a secret underground Facebook network of more than 2,000 other Christian mothers with transgender children. Shappley says she found support in the stories of other mothers who had faced criticism, some who had even been threatened by those who had vowed to take their children away or kidnap them.

“We knew that, at some point, if someone found out that our child was transgender, that you could put our safety at risk,” Shappley said.

Despite all the risks, acceptance has helped Shappley and Kai. She says her daughter is now thriving.

As for Shappley herself, the Facebook group for Christian parents of transgender youth was just the beginning of her journey to understanding and accepting Kai. Now five years old, Kai will soon enter the public school system in Pearland at the same time schools throughout the country work to meet the demands of an Obama administration directive that says transgender students are to be treated no differently than any other students.

In part two of this report, find out how Kimberly Shappley found herself in the middle of the controversial bathroom debate. Stay tuned to Eyewitness News and abc13.com for the rest of the story.

(Copyright ©2016 KTRK-TV. All Rights Reserved.)

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A 9-year-old transgender girl tells her story https://transoutloud.org/a-9-year-old-transgender-girl-tells-her-story/ https://transoutloud.org/a-9-year-old-transgender-girl-tells-her-story/#respond Mon, 16 May 2016 15:38:20 +0000 http://transoutloud.com/?p=5658 The 9-year-old is growing up. She used to play with Barbies. Now she’s the class treasurer of her West L.A. elementary school. She plays girls volleyball, paints her nails and likes to challenge herself on Minecraft.

She’s also transgender.

The girl, as well as her parents and school administrators, agreed to share her story to show how they are grappling with a situation that more and more schools are facing.

The U.S. Department of Education released guidelines Friday to help schools understand how federal law protects the treatment of transgender students on matters such as bathroom use.

The experience of the girl, identified using her first initial, “T,” to protect her privacy, provides a number of lessons, among them: how to train staffers and designate “safe” people on whom a student can depend. Teachers and principals will want to know how to deal with notes like the one that slipped out of T’s homework folder one day: “You’re a boy not a girl get it throu (sic) your head.”

California law reinforces the rights of transgender students to be treated as the gender they identify with, whether in bathrooms or on sports teams. A few other states, including North Carolina, are battling the federal government in an effort to restrict both transgender students’ and adults’ access to these spaces.

There is no official count of the number of transgender children in the Los Angeles Unified School District. But there is a clear sense among those who study gender issues that, nationwide, people are coming out as transgender earlier than in the past.

Doctors at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles saw about 40 transgender and “gender nonconforming” youths a decade ago, says Dr. Johanna Olson-Kennedy, medical director of the Center for Transyouth Health and Development. Now, she says, the center sees about 600 transgender patients between the ages of 3 and 25, T included.

T is normally a confident and chatty third-grader. But discussion of “the note” turns her pensive as she sits in the middle of her bed in a sleeveless orange dress, fiddling with “Liony,” a bright green polka-dot stuffed animal.

transgender girl

“I felt really mad and sad,” she says. Her voice softens. Her head drops. “I feel like a girl, not a boy.”

After T found the note, her mom told her that the student who wrote it is probably insecure, that the note was a reflection on them and not T. They laughed about the misspelling.

That night, the parents called T’s teacher.

T is the first openly transgender student in the school, and her parents and the school’s principal had already met to prepare for such problems.

The school investigated but couldn’t identify the student behind the note. So the teacher held a class discussion about bullying, cowardice and acceptance.

‘I wanted to be a girl one’

The note is one of the very few incidents that have made the girl feel singled out. Both in and out of school, T is self-assured.

She flies around the volleyball court so quickly that one team member’s father calls her “Kite.” Off the court, she’s affectionate and talkative.

But sometimes it’s hard to know what she’s thinking, her parents say, because she’s so eager to convince them she’s safe.

When T says that “everything’s great,” her mother knows to gently nudge her to continue. On occasion, the mother has found, T is actually thinking about how much she dislikes her penis because it reminds her of why people think she’s a boy.

When she was born, the box for “male” was checked because she emerged from the womb with biologically male body parts. She won’t decide whether to change her body until she’s older. She does, however, assert her femininity in other ways.

As a toddler shopping for costumes, T wanted to be a fairy or cheerleader or witch. On play dates, she hung out with girls in play kitchens. T’s mom remembers when she realized it wasn’t just a phase.

T was 4 years old, cradled in her lap. The mother had always enjoyed having her nephews around. She explained to T how excited she had been to learn she was pregnant with a boy baby.

“I wanted to be a girl one, Mama,” T said through quivering lips.

The most common question T’s parents get is why they are letting her transition so early — why not wait until she’s older?

In response, T’s mom cites statistics showing that lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender children without family support face a higher risk for depression and suicide attempts.

With that in mind, T’s parents started saying “Yes.”

Yes to the sparkly cupcake shirts from the girls section at Target. Yes to the Barbie Dreamhouse.

Still, it was a fine line. Initially, T’s girls’ wardrobe stayed home. Her parents allowed her to wear sparkly tops to kindergarten, but only paired with pants or tights — a rule they used to introduce the subject of bullies.

After T went to bed, her parents would spend hours online, researching what it means to be transgender. They were afraid that she would feel isolated because she didn’t see anyone else like herself.

When T was 6, her dad showed her a 2007 video of Barbara Walters interviewing Jazz Jennings, a transgender YouTube star.

“I have a girl brain and a boy body,” Jennings, then a child, tells Walters.

Jennings shows Walters a picture she drew of herself, crying because she can’t wear a dress to school.

T, her parents saw, clearly identified with Jazz.

In her journal (which T labeled with strict instructions not to read), T’s mom found a picture that T had drawn of herself wearing a purple dress, with long hair.

Her parents knew what they needed to do — which is not to say it was easy.

“You definitely go through a mourning period for the boy you thought you had,” T’s mom says. “At the same time you’re mourning, you’re excited because your kid is so happy to be themselves.”

‘I want to be a she and a her and a sister’

As the number of children who identify as transgender increases, so do the number of places where the changes occur.

Adults may begin to dress differently, act differently, present a different version of themselves at work. For children, school is usually where they show who they are to kids their own age — who, by definition, are just beginning to wrestle with ideas about what’s socially acceptable, what’s “normal.”

T’s transition at school was gradual.

As a second-grader, she came home on the night before a disco-themed after-school dance and said that she wanted to wear a dress to the party.

T often changed into skirts and dresses when she came home, and her parents had been waiting for the day she’d ask to wear one to school.

Before the dance, T changed into the outfit she’d longed to wear: A black-and-blue, almost floor-length dress, framed by bright pink spaghetti straps. Her father shot a photo. She’s beaming.

That evening, she gripped her dad’s hand tighter and tighter as they walked down the hallway to the auditorium. When she finally joined her friends, her dad backed away and stood with the other parents, proud but nervous, he recalls.

transgender girl

T and her friends danced under the disco ball, joyfully tossed and kicked a swarm of multicolored balloons and gathered in small groups to giggle as 8-year-olds do.

“She just wore what she wanted to wear and everyone accepted that,” T’s mom says. “That was sort of her green light.”

T started wearing dresses and skirts to school and using the nurse’s bathroom.

But she was still “he” to the school.

That May, T made a decision. “My mom asked, ‘Do you feel like a girl or a boy?'” T recalls. “And I said, ‘girl.’ ”

T’s mom recalls the child whose birth certificate read “male” telling her: “Next year in school, I want to be a she and a her and a sister.”

‘Google it’

These days, teachers and students refer to T as “she.”

When another student’s parents had a problem with her using the girls’ bathroom, the principal was able to point to district policy and California law to affirm that students have the right to use the bathroom of the gender they identify with.

Gender aside, T is a fashionista who rocks her cheetah-print vest and leggings one day, and a sparkly T-shirt covered by a growling, glittery tiger the next.

transgender girl

Some transgender children choose to switch schools when they transition, to avoid the comparisons people, especially 8- and 9-year-olds, might make between their past and future selves. By staying in her school, in the same classroom and with the same teacher, T retained her support system and her friends.

But she also has to address the inevitable confusion.

One friend asked T if she was a boy or a girl.

T said she was a girl.

“But you were a boy last year,” the friend said.

“I’m a transgender girl,” T replied.

The friend asked what that meant.

T’s response? “Google it.”

The next day, the friend came back and said that she and her grandmother had done just that. Now they both know what transgender means, she said.

A third-grader in transition

It’s 6:10 p.m., and T sits at the dining room table doing homework. Her blond hair is tied into a ponytail to show off the reindeer earrings she recently bought. She grips a pencil with one hand and drums her fingers — nails painted dark blue — with the other.

Volleyball practice starts at 7, and she’s in a hurry.

There’s a poster above T’s bed of the college where she wants to play, and she can recite volleyball rankings by heart. Her mother played in college, and her sister plays competitively in high school. Now it’s a part of T’s identity too.

transgender girl

T’s favorite color used to be pink: the color she associated with being a girl, the easiest way to assert her femininity.

As soon as the world stopped overtly challenging her sense of being a “she,” T embraced the complexities of girlhood.

T’s favorite color now is blue. She often ditches the skirts for tights or basketball shorts so she can run around at school more easily, or wrestle her brother.

Her mom calls her a tomboy.

Her dad calls her a warrior princess.

She calls herself a normal girl.

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KidsInTheHouse.com: Transgender Children Beyond the Bathroom Debate https://transoutloud.org/kidsinthehouse-com-transgender-children-beyond-the-bathroom-debate/ https://transoutloud.org/kidsinthehouse-com-transgender-children-beyond-the-bathroom-debate/#respond Wed, 04 May 2016 13:50:58 +0000 http://transoutloud.com/?p=3241 If you didn’t know what transgender meant before, chances are you’ve at least seen the topic making headlines in the past few weeks. Celebrities, politicians, and everyone in between have begun voicing their opinions on North Carolina’s controversial law, House Bill 2, or HB2, which has become known as “the bathroom bill.” Signed into law by Gov. Pat McCrory on March 23, the bill has received both a powerful backlash-with musicians like Bruce Springsteen, Nick Jonas, and Demi Lovato canceling tour dates in the state — and an outpouring of support.

Proponents of HB2, which asserts that people must choose which public restroom to use based on their gender assigned at birth, paint a vicious campaign of transgender individuals as scheming, voyeuristic pedophiles that endanger the safety and well-being of women and children.

Alabama is already working to follow North Carolina’s example and just last week, conservative Christian activist group American Family Association received upwards of 744,800 signatures pledging to boycott Target stores over its decision to protect transgender rights in their bathrooms.

With tension rising and information being hurled into the conversation from all angles, there is one critical element being overlooked: the safety and well-being of transgender children.

What Are Transgender Children?

To understand gender nonconformity, it is important to understand the difference between sex and gender.

“The difference between sex and gender is this: Sex is a biological fact, gender is a social construction,” says Kevin Jennings, educational specialist and Executive Director of social justice and conservation foundation Arcus. Transgender identification is the realization by an individual-even as young as two years old — that their gender, or the identity they want to present themselves as, does not match their anatomy.

“Transgender is kind of an umbrella term that really describes a person who has an internal gender identity that is different than the one they were assigned at birth,” explains Johanna Olson, MD., a pediatrician in the Division of Adolescent Medicine at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles.

Another category under this umbrella term is gender nonconforming, which Olson says can be used to describe children who are “not necessarily transgender” but who are “behaving or expressing their gender in a way that would be unexpected based on their genital anatomy.” In other words, this could be a boy-bodied person who prefers toys and activities often associated with girl-bodied children, such as dolls and playing with makeup, but who may not identify as a girl. Instead, the child may just have interests that don’t align with the current cultural expectations.

Transphobia

Since the media coverage of HB2, few outlets have reported on how this push for discrimination might affect children or teens who identify as transgender.

Developmental and clinical psychologist Diane Ehrensaft, PhD., notes that transgender youth often struggle during the onset of puberty, where unwelcome physical changes can provoke feelings of entrapment in a gender that just doesn’t feel right. Now imagine feeling bullied by the government, on top of mother nature.

Ehrensaft, the Director of Mental Health of the Child and Adolescent Gender Center in San Francisco, cites transphobia as one of the biggest issues facing adolescents that don’t identify with their assigned gender.

“It is not an easy world for transgender youth once they hit middle school and high school. The level of bullying and harassment goes up remarkably,” says Ehrensaft. “In its most unfortunate circumstances we read about children taking their own lives or [becoming victims of violent crimes] purely because of their gender presentation.”

transgender children

Here are some alarming statistics from the Youth Suicide Prevention Program & National Center of Transgender Equality:

82% of transgender youth report that they feel unsafe at school
67% are cyberbullied
64% have their property stolen or destroyed

• Over 50% transgender children will attempt suicide at least once by age 20.
• Over 30% of LGBTQ children report at least one suicide attempt within the last year

44% report physical abuse (ex. Being punched, shoved, etc.)
19% experience violence or abuse from a family member

A New Perspective

Adults and children that do not consider themselves transgender are still a major part of the equation. Talking to your child about the facts on transgender and LGBT identities promotes cultural awareness while limiting the likeliness of bullying. Explain that gender identity is something a person is born with, that sometimes does not line up perfectly with a person’s physical appearance.

“It’s an immutable characteristic in part of your core being and your gender identity is not a choice,” Olson explains. Just as you and your child wake up each day and feel a desire to identify and perform a certain gender, you could’ve just as easily and just as genuinely been born feeling like a different gender.

It comes down to acceptance, education and understanding. To know the origin of gender formation is to understand the lack of input the person had in terms of how they identify their gender. Making fun of a child for coming out as transgender, or any of the identities under the LGBT umbrella, is as nonsensical as ridiculing a child for their height or hair color.

“When [transgender children] are allowed to transition and given support to affirm their gender…they match the mental health of the average teen who is also allowed just to be themselves,” says Ehrensaft.

About Kids in the House

Kids in the House is the ultimate parenting resource.  With a searchable database of over 9,000 parenting videos, parents can easily access solutions to the full range of parenting challenges that occur between pregnancy and college.

Learn from over 500 top experts, including doctors, educators, professional athletes, business leaders, celebrities, best-selling authors and parents like you!

For more information about Kids in the House, please contact Kids in the House at (310) 899-6026 or office@kidsinthehouse.com.

For more on Transgender education, advocacy, and resources:

If you are a parent of transgender children, check out what the top experts have to say on the best ways to parent your child at kidsinthehouse.com.

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South Carolina Transgender Student Facing Expulsion For Using the Bathroom https://transoutloud.org/south-carolina-transgender-student-expulsion-using-bathroom/ https://transoutloud.org/south-carolina-transgender-student-expulsion-using-bathroom/#respond Mon, 02 May 2016 14:30:05 +0000 http://transoutloud.com/?p=1818 With all the focus on North Carolina, Georgia, Target, and legislation all over the country it is easy to sometimes forget the faces- the actual people that are affected day to day by what we read about. Real people who face real consequences, real people put in unbelievable situations. Like expulsion from high school, and having your entire future jeopardized.

One such person is Anna Foster, a transgender student at White Knoll High School in Lexington, South Carolina. Just two days before prom and five weeks before graduation, Anna has been suspended and is facing possible expulsion for using the “wrong” bathroom.

According to the petition currently up at Change.org

Anna was told that she cannot use the boy’s restroom because it would make the boy’s uncomfortable. But using the girl’s restroom would also make the girls uncomfortable, so they told her she could use the one nurse’s restroom. That restroom is located in the East building. Anna’s class when she used the girl’s restroom was in the North building. There are no concessions for Anna should she need to use the restroom between classes. Meaning, they will discipline her for being tardy if she has to make the trip to the East building to relieve herself, then head to class in the North building.

anna foster expulsion
Anna, who turns 18 on June 29th, has faced a very rough situation leading up to this; one that only complicates the current events. Currently, she lives with the Volk family- Mike Volk explains:

One of the factors that makes this issue so challenging is that the student, who is 17 and turns 18 on June 29th, is that she was recently kicked out of her foster home and moved in with us just two weeks ago. She is not supposed to have contact with her birth mother, and because of her age, her DSS case worker is not willing to assist. We want to do all we can to help but we are limited since we are not legal guardians.

What makes this all the more pressing is that Anna has already been accepted into college for the fall semester and these events could have sever repercussions for her academically and professionally. Mike Volk is hoping to find some a solution.

She has been accepted into college starting in the fall. This action by the school is going to have a major impact on her professional and academic career. Again we are hoping that your attention to this matter will cause the district to reconsider the expulsion and allow Anna to finish the last 5 weeks of school with her classmates.

anna foster expulsion

The family has reached out to local news outlets ABC Columbia, WIS TV, WACH FOX, WLTX News19 and The State Newspaper, but have not yet heard back. So we would ask that you please share this important story to boost the signal.

There is a petition currently at Change.org to urge the school district to reverse the suspension and keep Anna from facing expulsion. You can read and sign the petition here.

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Em & Lo: The 21 Best Transgender and Gender Non-conforming Books for Kids https://transoutloud.org/em-lo-the-21-best-transgender-and-gender-non-conforming-books-for-kids/ Mon, 18 Apr 2016 13:42:13 +0000 http://www.huffingtonpost.com/em-and-lo/the-21-best-transgender-b_b_9702762.html

Here’s a comprehensive list of great books for kids — novels, picture books, workbooks, memoirs and profiles — that deal with transgender and intersex issues, gender non-conformity and sexual orientation as it relates to trans people. (There are so many good ones, especially in the last few years, that we couldn’t narrow it down any further!) All are well reviewed, many are award winners, a few are bestsellers and (surprise, surprise) two made the 2015 list of most challenged books. We’ve put them in order of age appropriateness:

Author: Cory Silverberg
For Ages: PreK – 8yo
Type: Picture book
Summary: Super fun, illustrated guide for little kids from ALL kinds of families about “where babies come from” that is incredibly inclusive and avoids language based on stereotypical gender binaries.
Praise: “Cory is a Dr. Spock for the 21st century.” –Susie Bright

Author: Jessica Herthel & Jazz Jennings
For Ages: 4 – 8yo
Type: Picture book
Summary: Illustrated story of a transgender child based on the real-life experience of Jazz Jennings, who always knew she had a girl’s brain in a boy’s body. One small drawback: female identity is tied to princesses, pink and mermaids. One big badge of honor: it made the list of most challenged books last year.
Praise: “I wish I had had a book like this when I was a kid struggling with gender identity questions. I found it deeply moving in its simplicity and honesty.” –Laverne Cox (Sophia in Orange Is the New Black)

Author: Cory Silverberg
For Ages: 7 – 10yo
Type: Sex ed picture book
Summary: The second in Silverberg’s guides for kids (see #1; can’t wait for the teen one!) which deals with gender and sexual identity throughout in incredibly smart and sensitive ways. Same fabulous illustrator from What Makes a Baby.
Praise: “Emphasizing the importance of trust, respect, justice and joy — as well as open communication — it’s a thoughtful and affirming exploration of relationships, gender identity and growing sexual awareness.” –Publishers Weekly, starred review

Author: Alex Gino
For Ages: 9yo+
Type: Novel
Summary: Everyone thinks George is a boy, but she knows better. When her middle-grade teacher says she can’t try out for the part of Charlotte in the school play “because you’re a boy,” George and her friend come up with a plan so she can finally be who she wants to be.
Praise: “…deeply moving in its simplicity and joy. Warm, funny and inspiring.” –Kirkus Reviews, starred review

Author: Ami Polonsky
For Ages: 11yo+
Type: Novel
Summary: Grayson’s becoming more and more aware of a nagging feeling that she should be living as a girl, despite being male-assigned, and on a daring whim decides to audition for the part of Persephone in the school play. She has a supportive teacher and a new friend, but also has to contend with school bullies and disapproving adults.
Praise: “Thank you, Ami Polonsky, for creating this memorable character who will open hearts and minds and very possibly be the miracle that changes lives.” –James Howe, award-winning and best-selling author of The Misfits

Author: Ellen Wittlinger
For Ages: 12yo+
Type: Novel
Summary: Angela Katz-McNair never felt quite right as a girl. So she cuts her hair short, purchases some men’s clothes and chooses a new name: Grady. While coming out as transgender feels right to Grady, he isn’t prepared for the reactions of his friends and family. Fortunately he finds some kindred spirits (one of whom teaches him there’s a precedent for transgenderism in the natural world).
Praise: “Grady eventually decides that he will always straddle the 50 yard line of gender, and the book should help teens be comfortable with their own place on that football field.” –School Library Journal

Author: Kristin Elizabeth Clark
For Ages: 12yo+
Type: Novel
Summary: Brendan Chase is a star wrestler, a video game aficionado and a loving boyfriend to his seemingly perfect match, Vanessa. But on the inside, Brendan struggles to understand why his body feels so wrong — why he sometimes fantasizes having long hair, soft skin and gentle curves. The novel folds 3 narratives with 3 different perspectives presented in 3 different fonts into one cohesive story written in verse.
Praise: “*This gutsy, tripartite poem explores a wider variety of identities — cis-, trans-, genderqueer — than a simple transgender storyline, making it stand out.” –Kirkus Review, starred review

Author: David Levithan
For Ages: 12yo+
Type: Novel
Summary: A love story written by the author of Nick & Nora’s Infinite Playlist about A, a teen who wakes up every morning in a different body, living a different life.
Praise: “Amazon Best Books of the Month, September 2012: Every Day is technically for young adults, but the premise of this unusual book goes much deeper. It asks a question that will resonate with the young and old alike: Can you truly love someone regardless of what they look like on the outside?”

Author: Tanita S. Davis
For Ages: 12yo+
Type: Novel
Summary: The life of teen twins is turned upside down when their father starts living as a female.
Praise: “The story’s focus on an African-American family makes it particularly notable in LGBTQ-themed teen literature. Warmly drawn; a valuable conversation-starter for families like Ysabel and Justin’s.” –Kirkus Review

Author: Katie Rain Hill
For Ages: 13yo+
Type: Memoir
Summary: 19-year-old Katie Rain Hill shares her personal journey of undergoing gender reassignment. The book now includes a reading group guide.
Praise: “Will both educate cisgender readers and strike sparks of recognition in those questioning their own gender identities.” –Kirkus Reviews

Author: Kristin Cronn-Mills
For Ages: 13yo+
Type:  Novel
Summary: “This is Beautiful Music for Ugly Children, on community radio 90.3, KZUK. I’m Gabe. Welcome to my show….I’m like a record. Elizabeth is my A side, the song everybody knows, and Gabe is my B side―not heard as often, but just as good. It’s time to let my B side play.”
Praise:Winner of the 2014 Stonewall Book Award for Children’s and Young Adult Literature

Author: Susan Kuklin
For Ages: 13yo+
Type: Nonfiction profiles
Summary: Having met and interviewed six transgender or gender-neutral young adults, Kuklin presents them here before, during and after their personal acknowledgment of gender preference via portraits, family photographs and candid images.
Praise: A 2015 Stonewall Honor Book (also on the list of most challenged books of 2015)

Author: Liz Prince
For Ages: 14yo+
Type: Graphic novel
Summary: A graphic novel about refusing restrictive gender “norms” (and even sometimes inadvertently embracing gender stereotypes). Life lesson: there’s no one right way to be a girl.
Praise: Kirkus Reviews Best Books of 2014 list, Texas Library Association (TLA) Maverick Graphic Novels List 2015, YALSA Great Graphic Novels for Teens 2015 nomination, Amelia Bloomer Project 2015 nomination, YALSA Quick Picks 2015 nomination, Cybils Awards 2014 nomination, Teen Choice Book of the Year Awards nomination, Broken Frontier Awards nomination

Author: Multiple authors
For Ages: 14yo+
Type: Workbook
Summary: A comprehensive workbook that incorporates skills, exercises and activities from evidence-based therapies — such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) — to help transgender and gender nonconforming (TGNC) teens explore and navigate their gender identity and expression at home, in school and with peers.
Praise: “This workbook is an important resource for the transgender community. I wish I’d had something like it when I was coming out to myself.” — Greta Gustava Martela, cofounder and executive director of Trans Lifeline, the first national crisis line for transgender people

Author: Cris Beam
For Ages: 14yo+
Type: Novel
Summary: Sick of hiding the body that’s betraying him under baggy clothes, J runs away, begins attending a school for gay and transgender teens and ultimately decides to take testosterone, all while navigating family, friendships and young love.
Praise: An ALA Best Fiction for Young Adults Title, a California State Recommended Literature List Pick, an Amazon Best Book of the Month Pick, a Kirkus Reviews Best YA Book of the Year

Author: Arin Andrews
For Ages: 14yo+
Type: Memoir
Summary: 17-year-old Arin Andrews Arin reveals the challenges he faced as a boy in a girl’s body, the humiliation and anger he felt after getting kicked out of his private school and all the changes — both mental and physical — he experienced once his transition began. Now with a reading group guide and an all-new afterword from the author.
Praise: “This is a brave book that handles complicated and sensitive topics honestly and, at times, with humor.” –Publishers Weekly

Author: Julie Anne Peters
For Ages: 14yo+
Type: Novel
Summary:  Regan helps her brother Liam with his secret, supplying clothes and makeup and cover — that is, until her sibling decides to go public as Luna, which threatens Regan’s own social standing.
Praise: National Book Award Finalist, an ALA Best Book for Young Adults, a Stonewall Honor Book, a Lambda Literary Award Finalist, a Book Sense Summer Reading Book for Teens

Author: Brian Katcher
For Ages: 14yo+
Type: Novel
Summary: Boy kisses girl, girl admits she was born a boy, boy dumps girl, boy grows to accept girl for who she truly is.
Praise: Winner of the Stonewall Children’s & Young Adult Literature Award

Author: Alyssa Brugman
For Ages: 15yo+
Type: Novel
Summary: An intersex kid forges a path between two genders to find their true self.
Praise: “Readers of authors such as John Green will devour this novel.” –Junior Bookseller & Publisher

Author: Rachel Gold
For Ages: YA
Type: Novel
Summary: When Christopher tries to be Emily, her parents don’t understand, her therapist insists Christopher is normal and Emily is sick and her girlfriend lectures her about how God doesn’t make that kind of mistake. But there’s still hope!
Praise: Winner 2013 Golden Crown Literary Award in Dramatic / General Fiction, Winner 2013 Moonbeam Children’s Book Award in Young Adult Fiction (Mature Issues), Finalist 2013 Lambda Literary Award

Author: Amy Ellis Nutt
For Ages: Adult nonfiction (but appropriate for older teens)
Summary: With access to personal diaries, home videos, clinical journals, legal documents and medical records, the author spent almost four years with this traditional family of adopted twin boys, one of whom transitions from Wyatt to Nicole.
Praise: New York Times Bestseller, a New York Times Notable Book, named one of the Ten Best Books of the Year by People and one of the Best Books of the Year by Men’s Journal, a Stonewall Honor Book in Nonfiction and a Finalist for the Lambda Literary Award for Transgender Nonfiction

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This Trans Parent Shut Down and Educated a Cis Woman Perfectly https://transoutloud.org/trans-woman-shut-educated-cis-woman-perfectly/ https://transoutloud.org/trans-woman-shut-educated-cis-woman-perfectly/#respond Fri, 15 Apr 2016 14:56:26 +0000 http://transoutloud.com/?p=629 We love it when a transgender person can not only shut down someone who discriminates against our community, but we love it even MORE when they take that opportunity to educate rather than lash out with anger.

Our friend Carla Lewis (who made this great statement) shared this story from one of our trans sisters, Emma Ruyle. Emma was approached by a stranger about the “dangers” of transgender people and questioned her ability to be a mother, or even a woman.

How Emma handled the situation was perfect. And it has a happy ending to boot.


I had an interesting conversation with a parent at the playground this afternoon while letting Braewyn and Stark play.

Her: Hey, your Braewyn’s uh…what are you again?
Me: I’m her mom.
Her: But that isn’t…you’re a man.
Me: I’m a trans woman. I’m not a man.
Her: Well then…I mean you CAN’T be her mom then right? So are you her step parent? Where is her ACTUAL mom.
Me: Ok, well look. I’m more than willing to have a nice conversation with you…but please don’t continue to insult me.
Her: But you shouldn’t really be here should you? I don’t know that I’m comfortable with you at the playground.
Me: /exasperated sigh. Why? Because I’m a “predator”? I’m “endangerin the wimmin and childrins?” (yes, I exaggerated it like that because I was being a bit passive aggressive at this point).
Her: Well, that’s what is said about your kind, yes…and I know that I’m uncomfortable with you here with all of these little kids.
Me: Oh for fuck sake. Listen, let me share with you…since I’m CLEARLY the only trans person that you have EVER met. First and foremost, if this is concerning all of the anti-trans legislation, just let me tell you that there has NEVER been a reported case of a transgender person assaulting someone in the bathroom. Ever.

Her: Yah, but you just wake up one day and decide you want to look at women in their private spaces and that we should let you.

Me: …no…I didn’t just “wake up one day and decide” that. I have known this since I was 3 years old. It is not a choice. Since I started transitioning, I have not lived a single day as a male. Not one.

Her: Then why would you want to do that? And what relation are you to Braewyn then?

Me: First, I’m her biological parent. Second, why do you act like a woman?

Her: Because I am one. You are just a man. I have breasts for god sakes.

Me: Well I do too…not that it’s any of your business, but I have B cups.

Her: Oh. Well I can give birth. You can’t.

Me: Nope, I can’t…but neither can a woman that’s had a hysterectomy. Is she not a woman?

Her: No…she’s a woman. But…

Me: But I’m not…why? Because I don’t have a vagina?

Her: YES! Thank you! You just proved my point!

Me: I’ll have one soon…then what? Is your argument as simple as body parts?

Her: Well I know I don’t want you showing your penis around to anyone in the bathroom.

Me: Do you often show your vagina around in the bathroom?

Her: Never.

Me: Do you know ANY woman that goes in the restroom, yanks her underwear down and runs around showing them to the other women and children?

Her: …well…no…but men do that all the time! Especially you trans people.

Me: They do? Are you married?

Her: Of course I am!

Me: So I assume your husband runs around in such a manner all of the time? Does he regularly tell you stories of all the other men in the men’s room that do the same thing?

Her: He never does that!

Me: Ok, so “men” do it, ESPECIALLY us TRANS PEOPLE….but you’ve NEVER heard of such a thing EVER…until these bills started popping up. Ok then.

Her: Ok, so what do you DO in the bathroom then??

Me: Uhm…well..if I have to pee, I pee. If I have to poop, I poop. Then I wash my hands, touch up my makeup if I’m wearing any that day, and leave to continue my day.

Her: Oh…that’s what I do too.

Her: Well, when you get a vagina, I’ll feel better about you being around here.

Me: So, in your mind a vagina makes the woman then?

Her: Yah, cause you could rape me right now if you so wanted.

Me: No I can’t. Not that I want to anyways…

Her: Oh, you’re gay then?

Me: Yep…and I have a beautiful wife.

Her: No, I meant that you like men.

Me: That would make me heterosexual. You seem to still think I’m a man. I’m not. And the reason I don’t want to rape you is because I’m not a rapist…

Her: But you COULD if you wanted.

Me: No I can’t.

Her: But you said that you have a penis still.

Me: Yup. Hormones have pretty much made it useless.

Her: Wait, so you can’t get it up?

Me: Are you wet?

Her: That’s none of your damn business.

Me: Exactly. That said…no, not really.

Her: So you have no sex life then…

Me: I have a sex life.

Her: But…how?

Me: How do you and your husband do it?

Her: That’s none…oh.

Me: Exactly.

Her: So, ok…hmmm

Me: Ok, so you say that “people like me” are a danger to children. Do you support gun control?

Her: I most definitely do not! I carry by the way.

Me: Well, not that I care or needed a warning….Ok, so…how often do you hear about school shootings?

Her: All the time. But criminals don’t obey gun laws.

Me: Hmm…that’s a shame for the children isn’t it? That criminals don’t obey laws…but they’ll SURELY obey a law which discriminates against me when there are already laws on the books against sexual assault and rape. I guess I need to figure out how to be a gun…cause it seems they have more rights.

Her: Hmm.

Me: You still haven’t answered me you know. What makes a woman? Is it a vagina? You’ve already conceded that I’ll be a woman once I have one…but seem confused on why having one changes anything from right now till the point which I have one.

Her: But you didn’t grow up as a girl. You have no idea what it was like to go through puberty as a girl.

Me: Well…I’m going through puberty right now…again. But that aside, are you saying that experience makes the woman a woman?

Her: Yes!

Me: Interesting how I have to always make your points for you isn’t it?

Her: That’s not nice.

Me: It’s nicer than you calling me a pervert simply because I’m taking a different path to womanhood than you.

Her: Oh…uhm…well sorry about that.

Me: I’m used to it by now…but it doesn’t make it ok. Look, no, I didn’t get to grow up as a little girl, or go through a female puberty as a teen. That said, I wanted to. I couldn’t. It was denied to me, by people like you, that thought doing so was perverted and wrong. You want an experience? How about being beat until you are bloody for asking for help to become a girl when you are 7. You want experience? How about crying yourself to sleep when all the girls in your classes are developing hips and boobs and your voice is cracking and deepening. You want experience? How about going to school and hiding basically everything about yourself so that you can fit in and not be bullied because you don’t want to be beat again. Those were MY experiences. Now, I get to experience people like you, constantly questioning my validity, rightfulness as a parent to my children, and calling me a predator or a pervert on a regular basis. Those are my experiences…all the while having to deal with looking at this face in the mirror daily…wondering if I can style my hair better so that it looks more pretty for my wife…trying to figure out which foundation goes with my skin while covering my freaking beard hair while not making me look like a drag queen. Getting judged because I look masculine and I WISH I had a figure like yours. Those are my experiences…What makes any of those experiences less valid than any of yours?

Her: I didn’t know any of that…but wow…you really are a woman…you act just like one…

Me: Yah.

Her: I’m really sorry I judged you. You’ve given me a lot to think about. I really am sorry.

Me: It’s ok…

Her: Well I’m going to go now..

Me: Yah, me too. Have a good one.

Her: You too.

I’ll leave it at that….

Update: I saw the same woman this morning at the school. It turns out that her daughter is in my daughters class! I just about dropped my favorite mug when I saw her.

She apologized again for the exchange yesterday, which I accepted. She said that I’d given her a lot to think about and that when she woke up this morning she was thinking to herself about what a good mom I was, because I’m always here with my kids in the morning and I pick them up every day. (She clearly knew who I was, even though I’d never seen her before yesterday.) Her daughter is always telling her stories of Braewyn’s two moms and how cool they are and that Braewyn is all that her daughter ever talks about. It’s all Braewyn, All the time.

I laughed, stating that I hear that CONSTANTLY. That apparently Braewyn is all the rage! She apologized again after that.

I thanked her. She joked that she needed some coffee this morning as well. I chuckled in that it was my first cup and that I’m barely awake myself.

In the end, it had a good ending. Apparently I changed an opinion about the trans community with the exchange, and that’s a good thing.

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This School Just Banned Transgender Students https://transoutloud.org/school-just-banned-transgender-students/ https://transoutloud.org/school-just-banned-transgender-students/#respond Thu, 14 Apr 2016 13:58:30 +0000 http://transoutloud.com/?p=613 Mount Saint Charles Academy in Woonsocket, Rhode Island has issued a policy that has banned transgender students from the school, according to the Parent and Students Handbook.

The 2015-2016 edition, the Philosophy of Admissions’ section of the handbook states, “Mount Saint Charles Academy is unable to make accommodations for transgender students. Therefore, MSC does not accept transgender students nor is MSC able to continue to enroll students who identify as transgender.”

Mount_Saint_Charles_360_284

Alumni of the school took to social media criticizing the policy of the school. According to the school’s website, the policy was updated in October of 2015. And, it is unclear if any students were asked to leave the school.

Mount Saint Charles teaches “in the tradition of the Brothers of the Sacred Heart” and is listed as a member school of the Providence Diocese. Leaders at Mount Saint Charles did not respond to questions. Neither President of the School Herve Richer or Principal Edwin Burke responded to questions.

According to the schools mission statement, “Each and every student is known, valued, treasured and taught in partnership with the family.”

“As a constitutional matter, the fact that the school receives some state aid is not sufficient to subject them to constitutional constraints, which generally apply only to government actions. There are, of course, separate statutes that ban discrimination in both public and private institutions, but many of those statutes have exemptions for religious institutions,” Steven Brown, Executive Director of the Rhode Island ACLU, told GoLocalProv.

In March of 2015, Pope Francis meet with a number of transgender men during a visit to a prison in Naples. “When Pope Francis pays a visit to Naples this Saturday he will have lunch with some 90 inmates at a local prison, a contingent that will reportedly include 10 from a section reserved for gay and transgendered prisoners, and those infected with the virus that causes AIDS,” reported the Religion New Service.

Mount_St_Charles_400x400_180_180_90In 2013, when Pope Francis was asked about gay clergy being allowed in the Catholic Church, he responded, “Who am I to judge.” That statement was widely praised by gay, lesbian and transgender advocates around the world

In September of 2015, it was reported the Vatican upheld a Bishop refusal to allow transgender to be a godparent.

Source

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