However, you don’t have to lie back and just accept it. It’s your body and you can fight back. These are just a few tips that can help to regain control over your mind and body. And just maybe, make you feel more confident and whole.

1. Watch your favorite TV Show. Escapism is important. Sometimes you have to just lose yourself in something. For me that usually means Mythbusters or Supernatural. Or watching Planet Dolan or Top5s videos on YouTube.

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2. Meditate to quiet your mind. Sure, it can get a bad rep, but meditation can be a very powerful tool for quieting and concentrating your mind. Start with short meditations until you feel like you can go further. Quieting the dyshporia can held you feel like less of a stranger in your body. Everyone deserves to feel comfortable in their own skin.

3. Focus on what is around you, something external. There is a great quote I’ve seen passed around quite a bit, and it’s a great place to start.

Look around you and find
5 things you can see
4 things you can touch
3 things you can hear
2 things you an smell
1 thing you can taste

— Blurrysafe2 (@Blurrysafe22) April 27, 2015

4. Concentrate on your breath, taking your time- inhaling through your nose and out through your mouth. Breathing is another important aspect of mental health (seriously). And there are apps and meditations that can help guide you towards healing breaths.

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5. Get up and move. Exercise releases endorphins, and focuses the mind. It’s perhaps one of the best ways to release frustration. Plus, you take control over your body.

6. Spend time with the animals. They will be happy to let you. They actually have programs where school kids go in and read books to the animals. If you can’t have an animal, please consider this. Dogs especially are wonderful companions and supporters, and they happen to be great listeners. (No offense to cat people, but there is a reason there are not many service cats.) Plus you are helping to ease stress for the dog and comfort them.

7. Go to the dollar store and buy a whole bunch of fake flowers and greenery. Work on making arrangements with them, and find something that is pleasing to you. You can create beauty even when your mind is scattered.

8. Pick up the phone. Talk to a friend or family member- someone who cares about you and supports you. Often, people won’t reach out because they know that you are going through something but don’t know what to say. Open up those lines of communication and make sure they feel welcome to do the same.

9. Fill your home/room with things that make you smile. It could be favorite pictures, pretty lights, candles and incense, flowers- anything. Make your home a refuge- not a prison cell. Home should be a sanctuary where you can come and relax.

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10. Leave the house. It can be so easy to let yourself become a shut-in and curl up on the couch for days on end. It takes some effort, but get up and get out. Feel the wind on your face. Take in the sounds of the world around you. People watch. Sit in the grass and do nothing. It’s amazing what a change of scenery can do.

11. Write a note to a friend. It’s so important to have real conversations with real friends. And connecting with a good friend is incredibly therapeutic. And no one writes actual handwritten letters anymore. The act alone is very therapeutic. But the gift of surprise you give a friend and making them feel special is priceless.

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12. Put together a feel-good playlist of music. Everyone should have this waiting and ready to go to work. Find the happiest most upbeat songs you know. Those songs that get your heart beating faster and make your feet move. Songs that make you smile. This probably isn’t the time for the slow acoustic numbers.

13. Watch something cheesy that makes you smile. Maybe something from your childhood. A little nostalgia is good for you.

14. Get lost in a book. Books are an amazing portal to other worlds. You can fly, visit other lands, travel through time, be a hero- you can be whoever you want to be. Or if you prefer non-fiction, spend some time learning new things. That’s never a waste of time.

15. Make something for someone else. Whether it is food, a craft, even just a card. Focus on someone who means something to you. It will help force you outside of your head and remember that there is a whole big world out there that isn’t part of the death grip your brain wants to hold on to. And it’s always nice to let a friend know you care.

16. Learn a craft. Ever wanted to weave, sew, knit, crochet, woodwork, put together models? This is a perfect time. “Idle hands are the tools of the devil.” Very true words there. If you keep your hands busy, it’s much harder for your mind to settle into that repetitive groove.

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17. Hug someone. Making physical contact is vital to human health. There are actual scientific studies that show how important tactile connection with others is. So find someone you care about and grab hold tight.

18. Go for a drive. For those of us a little older, you might have forgotten how liberating it felt to climb behind the wheel of your first car and just…drive. You finally had the freedom to go where and when you want. Take a cue from our younger friends and hit the open road. Even if it’s just an hour or so.

19. Change something. This is another thing that helps you regain control. It can be painting a wall, getting a tat or piercing, dying clothes, altering your clothes, getting a hair cut, new sheets on the bed. Remember that in the end- you control your life and your world. No one else.

20. On occasion, get spendy. We all have to keep to a budget. But it’s good to spend a little extra on yourself sometimes. Get the good beer or liquor. Buy the fancier meal. Get those higher threadcount sheets. Whatever it is, make yourself feel special.

21. Don’t answer the phone. Seriously. It can wait. Especially don’t answer calls that will stress you out even more. A good tip is to go on “do not disturb” mode on your phone. If you need to, all phones have the ability to add exceptions if you have someone that might actually get ahold of you. But honestly, when is it so urgent that you can’t take a little time being away from the phone. We used to do it all the time.

22. TREAT YO’ SELF. That’s right. Don’t deprive yourself. You can’t go crazy, but if you deprive yourself of any luxuries or anything at all then you are telling yourself that you aren’t important. So get a new shirt, buy that CD on iTunes, buy some nice perfume or cologne, or whatever it is. Every day, seek to give yourself a present. It doesn’t have to be purchased- it can be something you buy, or it can be taking a cat nap, taking off your shoes in the grass, taking a few minutes to sky gaze, helping yourself to desert. Treat yourself like you are worth it.

23. Get away from the electronics. Unplug. Read a book, do a puzzle, or just day dream. Engage in one of your hobbies. Do something that reconnects you to the physical.

24. Do something that makes you happy. Sounds simple right? Well, it is! We make excuses every day that keep us from doing things we enjoy and are that are good for us. I know I beat myself up if I try to take time for myself and just catch up on TV. And there’s always an excuse keeping me from the gym. So get rid of the excuses and just do something that will make you smile. If it’s putting on an outfit, dancing like a maniac, lighting a candle, cooking a meal, going for a walk, cleaning, or whatever. In the words of Shia LeBouf, “DO IT!”.

25. Consider James Gunn’s daily list of To-Do’s:

1. Meditate for at least 10 minutes.
2. Exercise for at least 20 minutes.
3. Work on something productive for at least 3 hours.
4. Get at least 10 minutes of sunlight.
5. Have one real, honest conversation with a friend for at least 15 minutes.

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But there is hope! No matter your body size, big or small, there are ways to get natural looking cleavage and start rocking any look you want.

Cleavage with a NuBra

NuBras are cool little accessories that cis women have been using for a very long time. They are also known as silicon, or invisible bras. They consist of two silicone pads that adhere to the chest and are then pulled together to create cleavage. Here is one method that utilizes any number of NuBras to create the illusion.

Two Bras and A Little Support

Here is one that uses one bra that fits you as is, and another that is closer to your desired size. The only other thing you need is a little padding in the form of some pantyhose and polyfill to get your cleavage on.

A Little Rigging and a Little Makeup

This one uses some techniques I have not used before, utilizing some particular items and rigging as well as a little bit of contouring makeup to finish the illusion. Which of course, is one of the most well-known techniques for cleavage out there.

More Makeup

Okay, we saw a little makeup in the last video, but this one goes into a lot more detail and technique. And I realize it looks like she has some cleavage already. I imagine she is either blessed with some breasts already or is wearing a form fitting push-up bra in her current size. In any case, the transformation with makeup is huge.

Beauty is Pain…and Sometimes Duct Tape

Okay, this is truly the oldest method of getting cleavage. Taping. Why is it not first? Because I personally do not encourage it, especially for everyday wear. This method is far more suited to drag queens, imo, than for a trans woman going through her day. It will restrict movement, it can tear the skin, it WILL irritate and redden the skin, it hurts, and it hurts MORE when you take it off. That being said, the results can be pretty spectacular. So if you have a super special occasion, or just really want to take the leap for the evening and turn heaads- then here it is. I am showing you both on a larger model and a smaller model.

BONUS- Removing the Tape

So let us know, have you tried any of these techniques? What works for you? What did we miss?

Clear Your Mind

Even if you don’t have the burden of transitioning and changing your presentation to the entire world, altering their view of you- the human brain is somewhat…crowded. I know for me personally, it feels like my brain is the wall of TVs in “The Truman Show” with different feeds changing and flashing constantly. Some nights it’s like trying to fall asleep in a pinball machine.

We could all use a little clarity and mindfulness and meditation can give that to us. It doesn’t have to be all “woo woo” chakras and third eye business either. If that works for you, great. But for the rest of us, meditation is just like any other exercise- just for your brain. It’s learning to focus yourself and concentrate on clearing your mind of all the thoughts running around in your head.

If you have never meditated before, there are some really great apps that offer guided meditation- and they are completely free. Insight Timer is a wonderful app that offers hundreds of guided meditations on a slew of different topics. You can search for something that seems like it might fit your situation. Breathe is a way to dip your toe into meditation and be guided all the way. Answer a few questions about how you are feeling and how you are doing, and it will serve up a short meditation that is aimed at what you need.

And if you are one of those “I can’t concentrate that long.” folks, then take heart. There are many meditations that are only a couple of minutes long. Perfect to build up your meditation muscles.

If You Want to Transition on a Budget, You Have to do Your Research

You may not have gotten to grow up as a girl and spend your formative years learning to do things most girls do. But that doesn’t mean you can’t learn now.

Makeup/Skin Care/Hair

There is a world of information out there for you. You can find 10’s of 1000’s of makeup tutorials on YouTube from professional makeup artists and other trans women. Personally I suggest Kandee Johnson, Wayne Goss, and Nickie Tutorials. I especially like Kandee because of her personality and the fact that she doesn’t ignore that budgets are a thing and she includes mention and use of “drug store” makeup as well as high end stuff. All three though are entertaining and fun to watch. They also cover a lot of skin care tips. You can also find many video tutorials on hair care and styling. There is no end to what you can find.

Clothes

Along the same lines, take this time to learn about clothes. And more than just what designers are hot. Learn about what cuts flatter certain body types, find out how to camouflage your body and how to minimize and maximize certain areas. You should also learn what your colors are and what matches your skin tone. Go through catalogs, online or in print, and take some time to learn what you like. Yeah, you like dresses, but what kind? Is an A-line your style? More retro cut? Fit and Flare? Tulip cut? What patterns? This is a huge opportunity to do some self-discovery and find out more about who you truly are for the first time.

Here is the thing that you may not think about first off. Treat your wardrobe as a female the same as your old wardrobe. You need day clothes, you need clothes to go to the store, you need clothes to go to work. Sure that little black dress and heels look great, but aren’t really practical to hit up the Costco. So observe the staples that every woman wears and how they dress things down.

Also- do yourself and learn about shoes too. You need to know about more than heels because, trust me, no woman wears heels every day.

Law of the Land

It would be stupid and irresponsible to pretend that your aren’t about to embark on a difficult journey, you need to know how your change will affect you legally. Rights and laws vary from state to state and you should know what they are and how much or how little you are protected. You can start by taking a look at Lambda Law.

Let’s Get Physical

If you aren’t working out already, now is the time. Hormones can sap your energy and cause you to gain weight. So get a jump on it now by getting in your best shape possible. Plus, let’s just face it, a smaller frame is a more feminine frame. You can’t change your bone structure but you can use fitness to help shape your body into your ideal shape. You can check out our fitness articles here.

Pitch Perfect

For some girls, voice is a challenge. No matter how they look, the voice isn’t quite what they hoped for. Thankfully there are vocal exercises and techniques you can use to help soften your voice. Yes, there is surgery available, but it’s expensive and risky. Give this a shot while you are still in the early phases.

Quit Smoking

It deepens your voice. It damages your skin. It kills you. You can’t smoke during HRT. It’s a waste of money. Whatever you have to do, quit smoking. You owe it to yourself.

Learn From Others

There are many blogs and YouTube channels from transgender women that talk openly and frankly about transition. Learn from their experience. Seeing and reading about others who have gone through the struggle you are going through is educational and cathartic. You will learn valuable information, and maybe be able to not make a few of the same mistakes.

A couple of our favorite channels are Ty Turner and Princess Joules.

Observe Your World

You have the single greatest learning tool you could ever need to prepare for transition- your eyes. Start paying attention to women, and seeing them in a different way. Watch how they walk, how they dress, how they wear there hair, how they talk. Does the way they dress flatter them? If not, what could be done different? Start observing and you will learn a lot. Practical information is always the best information. And if you want to learn how to present as a woman, learn by watching women.

Stop Thinking About Transitioning

I know, it seems counter intuitive, but sometimes you just have to flip the switch and go grab an adult beverage, curl up with the dogs, go out with friends, watch an episode of Supernatural, or just fire up the game console- anything that isn’t about transition. Yes, it’s huge. And yes, it’s on your mind a lot. But it CAN NOT be an obsession and the only thing that you think about. Not only will it drive you insane, but it will cause the rest of your life to suffer. Spending time with friends, and doing hobbies that you have always loved seem less important when you are burning out your emotions with transition. So take time for you, just you- regardless of gender or where you are in transition. Take time for you as a person.

A Little Clarification

First off, let’s be clear, transition doesn’t have to necessarily be full time. Perhaps it’s just you taking your first part-time steps- dressing, makeup, clothes, etc. So don’t get discouraged if you can’t go big-time on the budget right now. Obviously, if you have more disposable income, you have a few more options. But for today, we want to focus on starting out slowly on a budget.

Transition on a Budget – Shopping

You have a surprising number of options for shopping on a budget when you are starting. We will get into specifics of topics in other articles. For now, we will just talk a bit about where you can spend your money.

Dollar Stores

Whether it’s a Dollar Tree, Dollar General, or any variation of those; these stores are a great resource for finding items you can use. You won’t find much, if anything, in a way of clothes. But you can pick up makeup, skin care, general beauty products, hair care, and some accessories. This is the perfect way to kick-start your transition and get the most mileage out of your money.

Big Box Stores

As they advertise, places like Walmart and Target are stores where you can find most anything you need. So, save for a few “specialty” items, this is a one stop shop. At Walmart especially, you can find items fairly cheap. You will spend a bit more here than the dollar stores, but obviously, you can’t get everything there and you will want to step up your game. One of the great things is that these stores are generally so busy that no one notices what you are shopping for. And many stores have self-checkout lanes. So you can pay for your items with a bit more privacy too, if you haven’t built up your confidence yet.

Clearance Aisles

Wherever you go, always make a habit of checking the clearance aisle. Most drug stores and stores like Walmart will have a decent clearance area, and you would be amazed what you can find there. Makeup, skin care, hair care, accessories, hosiery and socks, under garments, and more. Always raid the clearance aisle and save some money.

Online

For ease and privacy, nothing beats online shopping.

eBay

eBay is truly one stop shopping and one of the cheapest ways to get things. I can also tell you that is an incredible place to shop for jewelry and build up a collection. More on that in another article, but just know that you can get all sorts of bracelets and necklaces for less than a dollar with no shipping. It was a huge way to start my collection. You can also find things like makeup organizers, makeup bags, and brushes for very cheap. No, these aren’t professional quality brushes. But they allow you to learn and put some abuse on them before you throw down on some higher-end brushes.

Be warned however, if you are shopping for clothes, make sure you have your sizes down. Take your measurements and check the size charts. Some places will not honor refunds, especially on personal items. Also, note if the model wearing the clothes is Asian. If so, they are probably using Asian sizing which runs MUCH smaller than American sizing. If you wear a large, you might find you need a 2XL in those lines. If you are trying to transition on a budget then it doesn’t how cheap it is if you can’t wear it.

Amazon

Amazon is another option for you, and offers a huge selection. You can search and find items pretty cheaply. However, I would suggest that before you buy something, check it on eBay first. I found a necklace for $30 on Amazon that was .99 on eBay. I’m not kidding. This is also a great place to get makeup and beauty supplies for cheaper than in the stores.

Poshmark

If you have a smartphone then you need this app. Of course you can also use their main site, but the app is outstanding and easy to use. Sellers list clothes they do not want at discount prices, and you pick them up at a steal. You can set up your sizes and see only what fits you in listings. If you find a seller who has items you really like, you can follow them. And most sellers offer bundle discounts for buying more than one item. You can also make offers and haggle on the price a bit. I’ve saved some big money by shopping with them.

Forever21

Depending on your style, it may not be for everyone. However, Forever21 does boast a wide selection and has an outstanding plus section. Their regular prices are not necessarily budget-friendly, but if you click on their sale sections (they have sales constantly) and clearance areas then you can find deep discounts on really nice clothes. We are talking tops from $5 and up, and dresses from around $12.99 and up. They also are pretty much always offering shipping specials. And if you want camis, trust me you want camis, they start at $3.99 for regular sizes and $4.99 for plus-size.

Again, I cannot stress enough the quality and selection of the plus-size section. If you need a little larger fit, they are amazing. I highly suggest, however, at least making one trip in to the store to find out your size in items. Shopping becomes much easier then. I personally have never had a problem in their store trying on items. Even when coming in presenting as male. Don’t expect a ticker-tape parade, but I’ve never gotten a sideways glance. We live in a great time.

The truth is, you can find cheap deals most anywhere you look. Even the typically expensive Torrid has some good clearance sales. Just keep your eyes peeled and always been looking.

In part two of this series we will be covering what you can do for FREE when you transition on a budget. Trust us, it’s super important that you do them too.

Just keep in mind that you can’t expect miracles. There isn’t much in a way of muscles in that area, we are basically dealing with skeletal shape and bone structure.

So what muscles can we find down there? We are going to be focusing on the gluteus muscles, primarily the minimus and medius. These are abductor muscles that work to move a limb away from your body. These are not muscles that are accustomed to being worked out for size rather than support strength. That means we are going to be doing some very intense work.

As always, don’t overdo a new exercise routine. These are exercises you may not be familiar with, so take your time and make sure you have your form down before anything else. Whenever possible, try and set yourself in front of a mirror so you can check your form. And always consult your doctor before starting a new exercise routine.

1. Side Lunge (with Barbell or Dumbbells)

   You might be familiar with the side lunge, but you probably haven’t ever done it quite like this. For those who don’t know, a side lunge starts with your feet about shoulder width apart. You take a step to your side and bend your knee until you are in a lunge position. This version of the side lunge is a bit different.

   First of all, you will start with a wider base than a normal side lunge. First, grab your weights, start light because you don’t want to underestimate this exercise. Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart and then, with either foot, take one decent step out to your side. Next, bend your knee down on the first leg until you are in a lunge position with your other leg pivoting out but always remaining in place. Then use your leg you are bending, and keeping your weight on that foot, to push yourself back up into your original wide-leg stance. Repeat to the other side. You should feel it right there in your hip. If you don’t, experiment with your angle and positioning of your foot when rising out of the lunge until you feel it.With this wider stance we take stress off of the knee. That means we can do more, and use more weight. Remember that you are working out a relatively small area, so you are going to feel this tomorrow.

2. Side Lying Hip Abduction

   This is another one that is deceptive in how effective it is and how much you will feel it. Start by laying down on your side with your bottom arm supporting your head and your upper arm resting on your side. Optionally you can add a free weight, resting it on your hip.It’s pretty simple, just lift your upper leg up and slightly to the back for a gentle diagonal line. But be careful not to raise your leg too high so you don’t put undo stress on your hip. Roll over and repeat.

3. Standing Hip Abduction

   We are working the same muscle group as with the last exercise, but it can be a nice alternative, or one you can throw in on another day to keep working it. You can do both in the same workout, but we wouldn’t recommend it. Too much stress and repetitive motion. You can also add a resistance band to step it up.Simply stand and support your side you won’t be using, and perform the same motion with your leg going out and slightly back. If you are using a resistance band then be sure to keep pressure and tension on for the entire release. Seems elementary, but I’ve seen people slingshot themselves pretty impressively with bands. And you don’t want to whack your ankle on a squat rack.

4. Side Planks

   Time for our good friend, the plank. Planks are one of the most effective exercises that you can do to strengthen and tone your core. Why is this important? Your core is, well, your core. It’s the base of everything. It doesn’t matter how strong your arms or legs are if you are weak in the middle. It helps with overall strength and support as well as protecting your back.There are many variations on the plank, but for our purposes we will be sticking with the side plank. While not necessarily working the hips, it does work your side or oblique abs. Toning up this area will help with your overall figure and in conjunction with your other exercises, it will help make your hips look wider as you get trimmer looking in the middle.Lay on your side again with your upper arm resting on your leg and your lower bent out at a 90 degree angle under you. Lift yourself up on that lower arm and straighten your body with your arm fully perpendicular to you. Your arm is just a support here, we are looking at the middle. So use your core muscles to keep you straight and avoid sagging in the middle. Try going for as long as you can, and aim for three reps on each side if you can.

5. Sumo Walk

   For this one, we are going to need a resistance band. And the ability to look a little odd. Put the resistance band (doubled up if you need to) around your legs. You can put them anywhere, but we recommend nearer the ankles to reduce strain and encourage the glutes to fire up.Simply walk like a sumo wrestler, taking steps forward while keeping tension on the band. You can also think of the exaggerated gait of a gunslinger or a bulldog too. Work up the distance you can do and repeat for up to 3 sets.

We know this is a frustrating area to build up, and an area that probably already vexes you. These exercises along with HRT can help to give you a more feminine shape. Don’t get frustrated though, results don’t come overnight and it’s going to take hard work. Stick with it and keep working it!