“If you can’t live based on your own convictions, then you are living a lie.”
Daliah Husu

Twenty-two years ago, at the age of fourteen, I gave my life to Christ in a quaint Pentecostal church in an underprivileged Miami, Florida neighborhood. It was an intimate affair, as I recall. The pastor was an elderly Cuban man, who had a limping right leg and a wide gap between his two front teeth. The congregation barely reached a total of ten people, but the “Amen’s” and “Hallelujah’s” within the tiny room echoed like the thunderous voices of a hundred men.

The pastor was charismatic, and he would joyously shout his praises and smile from ear to ear, proudly displaying the wide gap between his teeth as he limped to the pulpit carrying what appeared to be the world’s biggest Bible. It was at that moment that I asked myself: Why am I here?

Like the many residents of that shabby Miami neighborhood, I was poor and my family struggled just to get by on a daily basis. Everyone wanted a better life and an easier and faster way to make money and make ends meet, so we all turned to God for answers during those hard times. But there was something deeper troubling me, something I had kept hidden and locked away in the farthest reaches of my being, something I was so ashamed of that I could not even speak the words out loud—I was attracted to men and I secretly wished to be a girl.

Although I did not understand my gender identity at the time, I assumed that my desire to be “that girl” was just another aspect of being homosexual. Yes, I was ignorant, and it would take me a few years to understand the difference between sexual orientation and gender identity. But as I recall, I was unhappy at the time, and I wanted to rid myself of my “unnatural” desires and my “wicked” ways.

Now at thirty-six, fully transitioned and happily married, I understand what I failed to understand then. I understand why I sat on that cheap, white plastic patio chair in a corner of that church for almost five years. I understand why I spent those years of my life listening to the pastor lecture about God’s love, God’s wrath, his salvation, and eternal damnation.

I understand that I was weak at the time—much weaker than I realized—and that I was too scared to face my own self-hatred head on. I believed that God would fight my battles, as the pastor promised me in his lectures, that God would break the chains that bound me to my sins, and that God would cleanse my body and soul and make me new again. So when the pastor asked the congregation who wanted to turn their lives over to Christ that night, I was among the first broken and emotionally wounded to willingly raise my hands and beg to be saved.

During the years that followed, I prayed, and I prayed hard! I fasted once a week, asking God to cleanse me of my homosexual desires and cross-dressing habits. I became the church treasurer, the youth leader, and the pastor-to-be. I preached fervently behind the squeaky oak pulpit and on many busy street corners during those scorching hot tropical days. I was the first to stand by the church doors waiting for them to swing open every night, and the first to volunteer for every charity event and fundraiser. I gave it my all and my best just to change who I was into who I was told I should be.

As fate would have it, nothing changed within me—at least not in the way I thought it would. My prayers, of course, went unanswered and I eventually broke away from the church. In fact, my natural attraction toward men became stronger, and my uncertainties with my gender identity began clearing up. So could it be that my years of service to God and the church kept me from growing spiritually and from discovering and accepting who I truly was? Well, yes. My blind faith in what my spiritual leaders preached hindered me from knowing myself, because they taught me to hate everything I stood for. They planted hateful and terrifying ideas in my head that kept me latched to that white plastic chair in fear for my soul. I learned to hate LGBT folks, because I was taught to hate myself.

My leaders made me believe that the scriptures were undoubtedly God given words, and that no one should dare question the sacred book. They argued that reasoning and critical thinking were the devil’s way of steering man away from God and from the path of righteousness. After all, Adam and Eve did eat from the tree of knowledge. So let’s think about this for a moment: Isn’t a lack of knowledge called ignorance? Is it logical to think that God intended on creating an ignorant human race? That his or her purpose was to create a multitude of uninformed beings that would wander about the earth for eternity solely to glorify him and nothing more? I think not.

All creation is an expression of love. And whether you believe in the divine or not, creation is a manifestation of some sort and love is at the center of it all. We love our partners, our families, and our pets. Sometimes we even love our cars. Some of us love to write, while others love to read. We all love someone or something at some point, and that is what gives our lives a sense of meaning and fulfillment. Love is at the center of everything we do, hear, say, and think.

We only experience unhappiness when we aren’t in sync with what we love, be it the people we love or our convictions. If we are to believe in the archaic religious myths that continue to teach and spread hatred and intolerance, we are destined to live bound and enslaved for the rest of our lives. There is nothing enslaving about love, since love is liberating. So how could we not love ourselves for who we are as LGBT people? And how could the rest of the so called “religious” world not love us, if God is love?

Here is a thought: God is Love and the opposite of love is fear. When we are truly connected to our inner essence (you know, the ghostly-like thing that lives inside of us), we are connected to the rest of the world. That is what love does. It connects people, rather than divide them. So why is our society, our nation, our world so divided? Could it be that most of us are not living in love? The answer sadly is yes.

We are divided because we constantly live in fear, and because our egos don’t allow us to love. We use “sacred books” to justify our ignorance and our hatred, and as we see too often, to justify murder in the name of God and faith. We use little verses of scripture to point out other people’s faults and wrong doings, and we somehow feel accomplished because we managed to remember the name and the numerical reference to those scriptures. We also find those verses that justify our own despicable actions of judgement and violence against others, making us feel self-righteous when in reality we are deluded.

So I ask you, are you really living in love, or are you living in fear?

At some point in our lives we have heard someone say, “Love your neighbor like you love yourself.” Right? So for once, answer my question with honesty and conviction, because if you are one that persecutes LGBT people, you are living far from love, and you certainly don’t love yourself. If your words when addressing the LGBT community are “Repent for your sins or burn in hell,” you are living in judgment, and therefore not in love.

If you feel gratification in condemning someone’s soul for eternity, you are living in punishment and separate from love. If you believe that the LGBT community deserves no rights, then you are living in greed and selfishness and are not perfected in the way of God’s love.

June 6, 2016

Dear Miss Dash,

When I was young, I remember watching the movie CLUELESS and seeing you on the big screen for the first time. I was mesmerized by your beauty and I thought, I wish I could be like that girl some day! I watched that movie over and over, and I always thought you were one of the most beautiful girls I had ever seen. More recently, I watched your ET Exclusive Interview and my childhood view of Stacey Dash changed…and not for the better.

In your interview, you pointed out that people think you are still Dionne, the fashionable and eloquent young black diva you portrayed in CLUELESS. In a better world you would be her, but unfortunately for us, you are not. Thanks to Wikipedia and to your ET Exclusive Interview, we know you were born in the Bronx and that you are black and Mexican—things you should be proud of—and far from being the Beverly Hills fashion queen we gawked at on the big screen. Yet, it appears to me that you have lost your sense of pride and identity in being a double minority. Please let me remind you.

As a half black and half white Dominican trans woman, I am offended and appalled by your ignorant remarks and your attacks on transgender people (the minority you speak of in your ET Exclusive Interview) and the many supporters of the equal rights and anti-bullying movements, such as Lady Gaga and Caitlyn Jenner. As a black and Mexican woman, you should know what it is like to be a minority in this country, or did you forget that approximately 160 years ago blacks were still slaves in this nation? The Black community and anyone of color should be grateful that there were men and women fighting for our freedom and our equality. They fought for people like you and me, Stacey Dash.

You mentioned “tyranny by the minority” when you referred to Caitlyn Jenner identifying as a woman and wanting to use the women’s restroom. But what you were really saying is that you don’t want transgender women in the same bathroom as you and your children. Well, (huff…here we go again!) 160 years back, when slavery was close to being abolished, the white masters might have said the same words you quoted in your ET Exclusive Interview:

“Why do I have to suffer, because you can’t decide what you want to be that day?”

Let me break it down for you, my dear Stacey…Transgender people DO NOT choose to be transgender in a day. We suffer through lifetimes living as the sex we never identified as (our born sex). The “choice” comes if and when we choose to be happy…or not. But I still don’t think you get it. I’ll try again. We choose to go through a physical transition in order to unify our bodies with our minds and be who we feel we are on the inside. The choice I made as a male-to-female transgender person was to become the woman I’ve always felt I was, but I never chose to feel this way. That’s as simple as I can put it. It’s now your CHOICE to understand it or not.

Let’s talk about your politics. You play the victim when you say that Hollywood dropped you because of your political views. As the “Hollywood outcast” you claim to be, you should then understand how it feels to be on the sidelines. But it appears to me that you are delivering to the transgender community the same deadly dose of hatred that Hollywood has given you. Allow me to quote you after Nischelle Turner from ET explained to you that being transgender is not a choice, but rather who we are. You stated:

“OK, then go in the bushes. I don’t know what to tell you, but I’m not gonna put my child’s life at risk because you want to change a law so that you can be comfortable with your beliefs—which means I have to change my beliefs and my rights? No!”

Your ignorance on the issue makes me feel pity for you…and anger. You sound like every other bigot and hatemonger out there that is looking to point a finger at the current scapegoat. Newsflash, Stacey! We are not interested in your child! We want equality in the eyes of the law, and we demand protection under the same law. If you’re concerned about child molesters coming into the women’s restroom, why haven’t you made a big stink about it years ago? Why now?

I’ll tell you why…

I believe that you are GUILTY of the same charges you accuse Lady Gaga of when you called her Anti-Bullying Campaign a farce. You are dramatizing the current events as a way to draw attention to your new, controversial book. Hurray! You learned to use one of Hollywood’s most despicable ploys to your advantage. Wait, didn’t you say that Hollywood had a liberal agenda? Clearly, you have an agenda of your own? So who is the real hypocrite now?

Oh, I almost forgot…

”What’s next for Stacey Dash?” asked Nischelle Turner.

“Umm…the White House,” Stacey responded.

“Come on, Stacey! The only house you’ll be visiting is White House|Black Market—the same place you bought that nasty little top you wore on your ET Exclusive Interview.”

Sincerely,

Daliah Husu
Author of “I Am Woman: Surviving the Past, the Present, & the Future”

daliahhusu.com
contact@daliahhusu.com

Are times really changing for the LGBT community? More specifically, is it really the tipping point for transgender folks? It appears that there is an increase in media attention covering transgender issues across America. But why? And what is causing this sudden interest with a community that has been living in the dark and has been oppressed for so long? As a trans woman and activist, I have formed my own opinions based on the current state of affairs that we are currently facing.

If we look back just forty-three years, we find that the American Psychiatric Association removed homosexuality from its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders and declared that homosexuality was not a mental illness. Not so long ago, were the gays and lesbians fighting to be seen as equals in the eyes of American law, but they were fighting to be seen as sane and mentally capable individuals. What is astounding is that within that movement, the transgender community was never mentioned, nor was gender dysphoria addressed. As a result, the stigma and fear that once accompanied homosexuality during those times of ignorance is the same stigma and fear that is currently placed on gender identity and transgender individuals.

To begin understanding gender identity it is important to acknowledge that it is not a choice, just like sexual orientation, but rather a state of consciousness that a fraction of the population experiences. The choice in this matter is choosing to live authentically, as the person we know we are within. Until the general public and the religious opposition begin to understand this fundamental truth—which most likely won’t be tomorrow—general views and acceptance of trans people will not shift or come about at the rate we would like it to. The transgender community, therefore, must continue taking actions to bring forth change at a local and national level to guarantee its very own protection. As the new “equal rights movement” in America, the trans community needs to look back at history and understand it, so that we may get a glimpse of our future. Just as the Jews were once oppressed by the Nazis, and the African Americans were once slaves and second-class citizens, we must fight our battle head-on and win. It is inevitable.

We may not change every mind or religious belief out there, but history tells us that we will gain equal rights in the eyes of the law, that we will gain complete protection from discriminating employers, and that law enforcement and elected officials will uphold and obey the law of the land and protect every citizen of this nation. The “Transgender Tipping Point,” as Times Magazine called it in its June 9th, 2014 issue featuring transgender actress Laverne Cox on the cover, is in fact approaching if not here already, and the signs are evident.

Just last month, Sheriff Chuck Wright, from the South Carolina’s Spartanburg County Sheriff’s Department, spoke at a Republican’s women’s meeting and threatened to ‘whip’ any trans woman found in the women’s restroom. Not long after, Tracy Murphee, a Denton County, Texas cop, also threatened to beat transgender women that may be using the same restroom as his little girl. Various states have recently passed and are trying to pass more anti-LGBT legislation that blatantly discriminates against transgender people. It’s obvious that fear and ignorance are deeply rooted in our society and our government and that it is directed at trans men and women, whom many see as sexual predators and as mentally ill. What the masses are failing to admit is that the trans community is in fact the new focus for social injustices and that this community is being used as the new scapegoat for those who propagate their hateful religious agendas and bigotry. At this point in time, it is more socially acceptable to be gay, but it remains a disgrace and an abomination to be transgender. So how is all of this seemingly bad news a sign that things are changing for the better?

As with any equal rights movement, the opposition appears to get stronger as the movement makes great strides forward. The fearful and the ignorant will speak up against us, threaten our cause and even our lives. But they are inadvertently helping us gain more ground by showing the leaders at the top that it is time for change. Life has drastically changed in the past thirty to forty years for the queer community, and every injustice that a trans man or woman suffers at the hands of the oppressors—and often violent perpetrators—becomes one more notch on the scoreboard in favor of our cause. This in no way makes it admissible for any of us to become victims of violence or injustice. Simply put, we should not have to suffer or die in order to have equal rights. But this is the current reality we are facing as a community and as part of this largely divided and misguided society.

So where does this leave us now, and what must we do to move forward? For one, we must push harder than ever before. We must live in the face of opposition and not give into fear. Our stories need to be told and heard, and more of us need to flood the media outlets and share our journeys. Visibility in large numbers is the key to persuading our local and national leaders that we will not stand for it any longer. If we are to be known as “The United States of America,” tremendous changes will have to take place and local and state authorities will have to yield in front of our federal laws. This country has the potential to be great, and undoubtedly it is on its way there. But it is ultimately our responsibility to bring about those changes and a new day when our nation can proudly say, “United we stand!

Daliah Husu is the author of “I Am Woman: Surviving the Past, the Present, & the Future,” and she can be found on Facebook, Google+, Twitter, and her personal website.

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